When did Andrew become such an earlybird? this is the second day this week that he has been up early. yyaaaaaawwwwwnnnnnn. I have gotten used to his sleeping in with me. He did sleep until 9:00 yesterday morning so I guess I can't really complain.
Why is the online world so complicated? once upon a time there was this group of women on an internet board. some thought one way and some others thought another way. The 2 groups seemed to never be able to agree. Finally one group left for a new internet home. Amazingly this too cause great controversay when it was discovered. Eventually things settled down and the 2 groups seemed to have forgotten about each other. This made at least one of the groups very happy. During this time there were changes that took place in the group that moved on. New people joined and some old people moved on. Then a couple years after the turmoil had all settled down 2 people from one group joined up with the other. This wasn't met with the warmest of welcomes and there was much distrust on both sides. Things ended badly. Unfortunately this was just the beginning of a new us/them war. While the majority of group A moved on and was unaware of trouble brewing a few were watching the situation. One of them brought it up to the others and the old turmoil was there once again.
That is where we are now. Have you guessed by now that I am a member of the group who broke off to join a new group? I don't know why this whole thing is bothering me so much. I honestly wish it had not been brought to my attention. It is killing me that group B thinks a member of group A has made some rather nasty hateful remarks (haven't actually seen remarks, have only seen references that they are against the persons children. This honestly sickens me and I hope like hell they find out who it really is) on their blogs. I am not sure why they think it could only be coming from this group but I do have a good idea that it is being instigated and stirred by an ex-member of group A. However they could not be more wrong about the person they think it is. They have the IP and say it comes from Florida, We have one member from Florida and I knew without checking anything out that there was no way in hell it was her. Anonymous posting such as that is not her style and certainly not the content they say is there. Unfortunately how do you prove something like this? I feel this unreal need to clear her name and prove it is not one of us. She is my friend and I hate that anyone is feeling this way about her so I guess that is why I feel the need to clear her name but then I start thinking. Why should any one of us care what these people think? They have not given us the consideration of bringing it to our attention. They just keep insinuating it is us and making snide nasty comments directed at us. Big deal, we long ago ceased to care what any one of them thought of us so why is this bothering me? Why do I care at all. Why do I feel the need to clear our collective names to them? I mean there are millions of internet trolls but they refuse to even think it could be anyone other than a member of our group. exasperatingly this is not the first time. When the 2 members came to our board there was this same exact situation. Someone posted nasties on a blog and it was automatically assumed it was a member of our group. this was what brought about the ugly ending. To the womans credit when she found out that it was not one of our members she admitted it and posted an apology. That took a lot of integrity on her part and I still admire her for it. But having just had that same situation why oh why are they so dead set that it must be one of us? We just played out this scenario and came out clean.
More about this ex-member.I will not claim to know what happened and why she ultimately left. The whole situation was odd. 2 admins on our board had planned a getaway to meet in Vegas. This was not discussed publicly just in E-mail. suddenly this member knew everything and coincidentally her husband surprised her with a trip to Vegas on the very same weekend as the other 2 were meeting there. Imagine the odds that this could happen.... This particular member had always been embroiled in the negativity of the us VS. them war. she had done some pretty nasty things including breaking into others e-mail accounts. She was not alone in doing this but she was a major player. Some nasty things were done through those e-mail accounts. lists signed up for. private information gathered. Home address being one, another woman correspondence with a cyber relation. Nastiness abounded. Anyway right after the trip to LV this ex-member dropped out of being an admin with an excuse that she didn't have time and then also quickly dropped off the board. She shortly after that became a CL on a different parenting board. I have never known what happened that made her leave. There were rumors abound that the other 2 members had made nasty comments about her children but I know this was not the case. For whatever reason she left with venom flowing in her veins.
Some time after she left it came to our attention that another board had been formed and that they had a recruitment list from our group and there was much talk about the powers that be and how to bring down the board. I am still not sure where the venom came from. There was a ruckus and then that all died down. I heard nothing of this member until these 2 people from group B decided to join group A. Why was there so much trepidation but not much surprise when it came out that this ex-member had encouraged these 2 to join Group A. Obviously she had made apologies to the members of group B and then casually mentioned that membershi to group A was open now and they should join up. We were a great group of women and they of course would be welcomed. That is laughable knowing the history between the 2 groups and considering that she herself did not find us a great enough and forgiving enough group to rejoin. The way I see it she was simply setting them up and working to reopen old wounds. It seems to me she has done a great job at what she set out to do. What I don't understand is how this group of women have taken her words as honesty and do not see how she has set them up. They are merely being willing pawns in her game. she sits back and innocently stirs the pot. A comment that was made got back to me. It was that in the past all controversay had come from group a. what the maker of that statement failed to recognize is that when it was coming from group A this person was a member and a huge instigator. I have to laugh that after telling them how nice we were and so on that when it all blew up she spent countless hours trashing us. Umm shouldn't this be a huge clue that she was lying to them to begin with? I mean she tells them how great we are and then days later trashes us all and refuses to take credit for 80% of the things she did when everything started. Why are these smart women not saying hey wait a minute. She was just telling us how nice they were and we should join and now she is saying just the opposite about them.....hhhhhmmmm maybe she isn't quite as honest as she seems. My guess is that for whatever reason they want to believe her. She does come off as the most innocent sweet and caring person and had I not seen her in action with my own 2 eyes I might not believe it. She is absolutely a wolf in innocent sheeps clothing. Let me clarify she is not the only person involved that did evil things but she was a major instigator and was caught blatantly lying to cause a seperation between 2 friends.
I feel better getting this all off my chest. I don't know why I let this all bother me so much. Why I allow myself to get caught up in the controversay. I guess it was a great diversion from real life.
I think I need some help with Karma reversal I have been a negative bitch for a while now. I haven't been able to shake it. Funny thing is I haven't been this way IRL just on the net. I guess all my frustration and anger has found a home here.
It is all catching up with me and I need it to stop. it just seems like everyday there is more bad news waiting to knock at my door. In the past month my Aunt has been diagnosed with Brain cancer and given 2 yrs max to live, my friend has also been diagnosed with cancer with a much better outlook at least. I have bought a new car that has only brought more trouble in the door with it. Bryan and our neighbor decided to take on the fuel pump to save on the $600 the mechanic shop wanted to fix it. They replaced a few things that didn't really need it but were hard to get to and getting slightly worn so they decided to replace them while they could get to them. Then they broke a part that had frozen. It was a dealer part and $200 (discounted) All things said and done and parts replaced it cost us $600 and 3 very long days for Bryan and the neighbor. I could live with that since they replaced the other parts so there shouldn't be a repeat performance. The day after they finish Bryan notices it is leaking anti-freeze. No prob take it to the neighbors friend and it is just a loose bolt. He fixes it for free. Transmission is still acting up though and this was the big repair we were unaware of when we bought it. Bryan talks to a few transmission places one says the problem sounds electrical. They can do a screen and if that is all it is we won't have to pay mega$$ for the transmission replacement. Had the test run Friday. $75 later - the verdict is the transmission needs rebuilt. They can do it starting at $1800. We pick it up and call our unreliable but extremely good mechanic friend. Transmissions are his specialty and he says he can do it for around $600. We breathe a collective sigh of relief and make arrangements for a friend to follow Bryan to drop the car off at his work where said mechanic friend has a shop. Bryan leaves yesterday to take car to shop; returns 15 minutes later with an unhappy look on his face. I know this is anything but good, I figure the transmission went out completely and we will have to get it towed up there. HA! fate laughs in my face and Bryan tells me that as he got on the highway the temp light shot way up. He pulled over and discovered that there is now water in the oil. Obviously new waterpump is leaking and spilling into the oil. Did you catch the new part there? yep that's right waterpump is one of those items that were replaced because they were hard to get to and this would save us in the future. The phrase if it ain't broke don't fix it comes to mind here but he assures me that he had it off anyway and most likely wouldn't have gotten old WP tightened properly either. He will talk to mechanic friend to see how much he will charge to pull it all apart and tighten everything and whatever he has to do to get rid of the water in the oil -I don't know what this involves and think I probably don't want to. I am scared to death this is going to somehow involve my having to watch his 3 lovable but out of control children at some point. (their mother is in prison - cell mates with Susan Smith even)
this is just brushing the tip of the iceberg. The IRS reared it's ugly head on Monday then on Tuesday again. Mondays news wasn't great but Tuesdays involves a lein on our property. Lovely huh? Wed brought the news that we make too much money now to qualify for the state aided health insurance that we had for the boys, I knew premiums would go up but according to their screwy assed guidelines I thought that would be it. I was not prepared for my children to be cut off of insurance on 7/11. So now I am having to scramble to find reasonable health insurance for them and there will be a lapse in coverage because most take longer than that to process. The best I have found for coverage for them is $210 a month which is reasonable but not budgeted. I also have to worry that Michael will be accepted because of the dreaded Asthma in his past. This will also require a change from the Ped I love. She is in the plan but not practicing at a plan hospital what this means is that if she had to hospitalize one of my children it would only be covered at out of plan rates which could be astronomical for us if it were to happen.
Did I mention that I have come to the conclusion that I am going to have to go back to work. I have no marketable skills. I have been out of the work force for 4 years and 3 years before that I was a paraprofessional (Teachers aide) so any office experience I have is terribly outdated and would be laughed at. I really don't want an office job anyway. I would love to go back to the school but I called last Wed and the receptionist told me that she didn't think they had any openings. I will still put in my app. Hope that something comes open soon and that my references from the teachers I worked with 5-7 years ago are well received. I know I did good work and had great relationships with the teachers I worked with but will a teacher I worked with for 9 months 7 years ago really remember that when she found out I was going into special ed the next year instead of coming back to her class that she was greatly distressed by that? I am scared she won't even remember who I am. I know the other teacher I worked with that year will remember me and give me good reference since I just ran into her several months ago and she remembered me then. I know the last teacher I worked with will also give me good reference since she has asked me more than once if I am ready to come back (although not in the last 2 years as I haven't seen her) ok ok I know I am rambling here. I am just at a loss as to what to put on my resume for the last 4 years that won't send an employer running in the other direction. I am also wondering what I want to do with my life. I have no idea what kind of work I want to do. I love working with the kids but it is not the best paying job. I love the schedule, but I don't think I want the responsibility of being a teacher so at the moment that isn't one of the options I am considering. I have to say that this is the one job I have had that I wasn't constantly checking the clock waiting for time to go home.....
How do you get rid of bad luck? I thought it came in 3's but I seem to have more than 3 things going here. I guess maybe a start would be to realise that there are good things going on in my life as well. I have 2 wonderful healthy children, a husband who loves me faults and all and who I love very much in return, a Mother who is willing to take on watching a 3 year old so his fiscally irresponsible mother can attempt to go back to work, even if there aren't any aide positions available they almost always need subs, I have a network of online friends to dump this on and get it off my chest.
